Health and Fitness Week 2010

I was fading fast going into health and fitness week. I had been eating horribly, gained some weight and was feeling sorry for myself since not one person in my family wanted to see me succeed. I was tired of having no support and the food I was eating was pulling me into a depression.
The first day at health and fitness week I started menstrating and it was very heavy and painful from eating so many fats the week before. (When I don't eat fats I hardly even notice it, it is so light and uneventful). So I was bloated and miserable, surrounded by these fit amazingly healthy vibrant people, that seemed to really like and accept me from the first moment they saw me. I truly felt out of place. I was angry at myself for allowing myself to fall so far down that I couldn't enjoy the week that I had been so much looking forward to.
That first evening I spent in tears, just sobbing and sobbing....releasing all my frustration, anger and deep deep sadness.
After that night my inner spirit recovered quickly. I embraced all the wonderful energy everyone there was so willing to give and gave back all I could in full force.
I felt so loved and supported the entire time.

Meal times were so much fun. Everyone just feasting on incredible amounts of beautiful organic fruits and veggies. Sharing meals like that just doesn't happen in my day to day life. The best part is that after the meals were over everyone still felt great, there was no one grabbing their stomach moaning about not feeling good.

I loved the fitness group I was in. It was the beginner group and it was plenty for me. I found out quickly that any other exercise besides bike riding is a challenge for me. I literally have no other muscle endurance or strength in any other areas. It is going to be fun getting my body fit in different ways. Jumping rope is the first weakest link I want to tackle and have it down by next year. It was my least favorite exercise during the week :) I also want to look into joining a team sport such as softball or soccer.

My favorite part was the people. The amount of physical hugs and being touched while walking past someone was so wonderful. It just filled my heart to complete fullness.

Doug was fantastic! Even more incredible that I expected him to be. I am so grateful for him. Without his book I believe I would not be alive today, and even if I was alive I would not be thriving like I am now.

I am proud of myself for making this a reality.

30 days of introductions

Yesterday I decided I would take a suggestion from Andrew's web site and do a 30 day goal. I've done this before with my 30 day blog. I decided this time I wanted to do something fun, so I decided every day for 30 days to introduce myself to someone I don't know.

Sooo...yesterday I was hanging out at the fruit stand feasting on a watermelon and harassing my favorite fruit stand guy. We both agreed that I need a shirt that says "fruit stand groupie", since I hang out there so much. An older lady was shopping that I have seen at the fruit stand many times. She always buys a lot of fruit and veggies out of the bargain bin, which is were the over ripe (or as I say "perfectly ripe") fruit goes and sells for practically nothing. I went up to her and introduced myself. Her name is Irit and she is from another country (but I didn't ask about that since our conversation went a different way). She was happy as ever to talk to me and told me how great that bargain bin is because she loves to cook homemade food and give it to people she knows that are in need. We had a great conversation and I am looking forward to the next time I run into her at the fruit stand.

Today I forgot to introduce myself to someone new. I realized when I was biking home that I had forgotten and it was past 7 p.m.. I was on my longboard (which I have been riding for the last 4 days and loving every minute of it...I am now working on leading with my non-dominant foot). I wasn't sure what to do because once I got home I wanted to stay home for the evening. I looked around to see if anyone was walking on the street that I could approach but there was no one. Then I saw the peach tree one block away from my house that I have been eyeballing for a few weeks. The peaches have about another week before they are ready and they look delicious. I decided to go visit the owners of the tree and introduce myself to them and offer to buy some of their peaches when fully ripe if they were willing.

An older lady answered the door and I told her my name, that I lived on the next street over and asked about the peach tree. She was very happy that I had stopped by, said her name was Nadine. Nadine had been worried about having too many peaches and did not know of anyone to give them to. She said she uses some for canning but had way too many this year. She asked for my number and said she would give me a call as soon as they were ready. Woo hoo...free delicious local peaches coming my way.

I think this 30 day adventure is going to turn out to be a wonderful experience :)

Day's twenty seven, twenty eight and twenty nine

I've gotten a little behind on my blog these last few days.
Days twenty seven and twenty eight were pretty much the same. I ate fruit all day and lost my grip in the evenings. On Monday evening I ate some raw cheese and had bad dreams, slept horribly and had a stomach ache all night. Tues. morning I woke up at 5, biked 4 miles to yoga, came home took a small nap and biked a mile to my job, cooked/cleaned for 2 hours. That evening I went to a potluck and ate a bunch of cooked vegan food. Went to bed around 11.
Wed. morning I woke up at 6. Biked a mile to the bus stop and bused downtown to pick up my boys. I drank 16 oz. of fresh squeezed oj at flying M. Can't really remember much of what I ate that day but it was all fruit until that evening when the kids and I went to a dome building get together and I ate a bunch of vegan food. Exercise was pretty mild on Wed., mostly bused places. Went to bed around 10:30.
Thursday morning I woke up at 5 feeling horrible and bloated. I drank some water, Savana and I biked 1 mile to the bus stop and bused to yoga class. I did yoga for an hour and a half, my yoga instructor was talking about commitment. I realized that I hadn't been fully committed to eating all low-fat raw and that was why I was still struggling. There is still a part of me that keeps thinking that one meal a day won't really hurt me that much, moderation is where it is at. Well it is hurting me and I need to decide what my commitment to my health really is. I struggled through yoga class, I felt so awful and couldn't focus.
We then biked 2 miles to my first job. I ate 2 cantaloupe and cleaned for 2 hours. I started feeling quite a bit better. We biked a mile and a half to my 2nd job. I cleaned for 2 hours. We walked a block over to my 3rd job and I cleaned for 2 more hours. We than biked a half mile to the co-op, I bought Savana lunch and I drank 10 tomato/celery smoothie that I had made that morning. We biked 1/4 mile to the hospital and visited my dad who is in there with pneumonia. He had a stroke a couple of years ago and is in really bad shape and wants to die. I don't blame him and wish there was some way I could end his misery.
Savana and I then bused to the fruit stand where I bought a bunch of fruit and ate a melon. We bused to my 4th job. I had a 12 banana/pound of spinach smoothie and cleaned/cooked for 2 hours. We then biked a mile home. At home I ate a small handful of Savana's organic potato chips and immediately felt it bring me down. I told Savana to put her chips away and decided that I wasn't going to damage my body this evening. I instead ate .25 lb. of dates. Went to bed at 10:30.
Savana was such a trooper all day, at 10 years old she went all over town with me while I did yoga and cleaned 4 houses...a total of 10 1/2 hours, not including travel time...what a great kid.

Day's twenty five and twenty six..only 4 more days.

Woke up at 7 on Saturday. Ate one large apple and biked 4 miles to work. Cleaned for 2 hours, biked to the co-op, then the fruit stand...about 2 miles total. At my next job I ate 3 large melons and cleaned for 2 hours. Biked 2 miles back downtown and bused to my last job. Ate 6 mango, 1/2 lb. of romaine smoothie. It was really, really good. I haven't had mango's in a while. I cooked/cleaned for 2 hours. Before I left I tasted some of the food I had made and ended up burning the top of my mouth, which really irritated me and I felt like an idiot for even tasting it, plus my ears immediately clogged up once again. I was mad at myself and didn't know what my freaking problem was and why I am not able to pull myself together and eat only foods that I thrive on. I know that I am struggling against years and years of bad food addictions and that I am making steps forward. At least I am only eating one meal a day that is harmful, my binges used to include every meal the entire day. So I am making progress, although it seems to be going a little bit slow for me.
My mom came by my work to get my house key, but I was just finishing so she put my bike on her bike rack and drove to my house. We than rode our bikes 4 miles to downtown and hung out at the Goddess festival for a while and went to a concert in the park. At 9 we rode back to my house and my mom gave me a ride to a get together I wanted to go to. I got there at about 11:30. Most of the food that people had brought was already gone...thankfully! I tried eating a little bit of chips, but my mouth hurt too bad from burning it earlier...so that was a good thing!
I hung out and socialized and fell asleep really late...at about 2 a.m.
Woke up the next morning at around 9. I was really really tired. I cleaned up a little. Ate half a watermelon and rode 2 miles to church. At church I ate my other half of watermelon. I love the people at the Mennonite church, they actually encourage me in my fruit eating and I got lots of great comments from people as I was trying to finish my watermelon before service started.
After church I rode 5 miles to my clients house. I cooked/cleaned for one hour. They were fine with making it a short day since I usually only come in for them Monday through Friday, but they needed me extra this week because Bob had knee surgery and still was recovering.
I didn't taste the food this time. It didn't even tempt me, part of that was because it was so early in the day. The evenings are when I struggle the most.
I rode 1 mile home and took an hour nap.
My mom came over and woke me up. I ate half a huge watermelon and we rode our bikes 4 miles downtown...my mom is wanting to ride her bike more and eat better...yay! It is fun riding with her and I get to show her all the great fruit trees and berries I find growing wild.
We than rode 4 miles to a church ice cream social. I knew the ice cream wouldn't tempt me, but I wasn't counting on the homemade rhubarb cobbler that I ate a bunch of. I didn't feel too bad other than my ears clogged up and I got a horrible case of gas, but my mind was clear and didn't get foggy. Could have just eaten the watermelon I brought, but...sigh...I am getting there.
We rode 2 miles back to my house. My mom went home. I went to bed at about 10 p.m.

Day's twenty three and twenty four

Woke up at 5 a.m. and ate an apple. Rode 1 mile on the tandem bike to the bus stop with Savana and locked the bike up there. Bused to yoga class and did 90 minutes of yoga. It was a fantastic class... tired Savana slept through it :) After class we bused to Savana's writing camp, I dropped her off and bused to Flying M. At Flying M I drank 64 oz. of delicious fresh squeezed oj. Then I walked 1/2 mile to the co-op, bought groceries and socialized. I walked 1/4 mile to the bank, cashed some checks and socialized. Bused back to pick up Savana from camp. We bused back to the tandem and rode 1/4 mile to my first cleaning job. There my client left me a note saying I could pick all the raspberries on wanted from their raspberry bush out back. I was so excited I was frantic trying to get the sliding door open...my daughter was laughing at me :) I feasted on as many raspberries as I could find...there were a lot, Savana of course, refused to try even one. After that I cleaned for 2 hours and we biked 1 mile to my last cleaning job.
At my last job I was just finishing my 11 banana, 1/2 pounds spinach, 1/2 pound stinging nettle smoothie (wouldn't recommend stinging nettle raw), when I received a phone call from my boys dad. He said they were in town for the day and I could see the boys that evening if I wanted. (He loves to call me at the last minute about such things, my boys live in Utah with their dad and I usually see them once a month. Shawn is 16 and Scott is 14). Luckily I didn't have plans because I never want to miss a chance to see my boys. He brought the boys over to my clients house, where they went out to the pond in the backyard and rode on the paddle boat and caught craw-fish (which I had them throw back). I was making stir fried rice, veggies and organic chicken for my clients for dinner and there was plenty so the boys and Savana had some. I ate a very small amount and of course my ears clogged up.
After work Savana and I rode the tandem the mile back home and the boys ran. My oldest son is a very good runner. Back at home I have a jalapeno plant that is ready. I don't eat jalapeno's and I grew them just for the fun of it. Shawn wanted to eat one and I warned him that it was really hot and maybe he should let me take the seeds out. He scoffed at that and took a huge bite....haha....his face was bright red and he started panting to try and cool his mouth off. So then he asked me to take the seeds out. I was holding it by the tip trying not to touch it so it wouldn't burn my skin. Shawn wanted to know why I was holding it funny. I told him that it would burn my skin. He scoffed at that as well. I took the seeds out and handed it back to him. He took another bite and said it was still too hot. I told him to put it in the compost, which he did and then he went to the bathroom. He came out of the bathroom and about 15 seconds later started jumping around saying his privates were burning. I thought that was the funniest thing. I said it was from the pepper and that I had told him that it could burn skin. He ran back in the bathroom to wash it off and I was laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes. I wiped away my tears and all of a sudden my eyes were on fire. So now I was the one jumping around, I ran outside and stuck my head under the hose. So the rest of the night Shawn and I were suffering from jalapeno pepper burns...lol..but we still had a lot of fun. We ended the night playing rummy until the boys dad came to get them at around 9:30. Then Savana and I were in bed by 10.
I woke up at 6:30 and felt really good. I was still very happy that I got to spend time with my boys. Savana rode her scooter and I biked the mile to the bus stop. We bused to her writing camp and dropped her off. I biked 1/4 mile to Flying M and had 64 oz. of fresh squeezed oj. I then biked 1/4 mile to the co-op. Biked 1/4 mile to the bank. Biked 1/4 mile to the library and got on the computer there for an hour. I walked next door to Savana's writing camp to watch her do her reading for the last day of camp. She did a great reading and then went home with her dad. I had an hour downtown to do nothing before meeting my sister for lunch. So I rode 1/4 mile to the grove, sat and people watched. That was great fun. Rode a couple blocks to Bittercreek to meet my sister. I had fresh squeezed oj and a tomato. My sister is struggling in her life right now, she has many health problems and chronic bowel problems, all she thinks about is how to lose weight (taking speed or laxatives is usually how she does this). I wish she would focus more on health and realize that with healthy eating you naturally lose weight. It is amazing to me that after seeing me lose so much weight by eating healthy that she doesn't realize that the same thing will work for her. Regardless I wish the best for her and I try not to say anything about food. I just try to show her that I love and support her. She is also working on getting out of a very abusive marriage. I really hope she finds her strength and can make her life better.
So after lunch I picked up meat scraps for the cats and biked 4 miles home. Dropped off the meat and biked 1 mile to my last job. I made a 11 banana, 1/2 lb. of greens from my yard smoothie and cleaned for 2 hours. I also ate a small amount of plain mashed potatoes and turkey (once again my ears clogged). After work I biked 1 mile home.
I watered the garden, watched a movie and ate .25 lb. of dates. I felt pretty good other than my ears. My thoughts were clear and I felt strong physically.
I went to bed around 9:30.

Day twenty two

I woke up at 6:30 this morning and felt wonderful. I sleep so good when I eat all raw fruits and greens, just that in itself should keep me on track, not the case though.
I biked a mile to the bus stop with Savana and bused downtown. Then biked 1/2 mile to Savana's writing camp, dropped her off and rode a mile to my first job. Cleaned for 2 hours and ate an apple. Biked a mile to flying M and had 38 oz. of fresh squeezed oj while I sat outside and checked my e-mail on my laptop. Biked a mile to pick up Savana and we both biked 2 miles to my next cleaning job. At that job I ate 3 melon and cleaned for 2 hours. Then we bused back downtown. Savana played in the fountain while I rested on some grass nearby. Later we bused to a friends house to help with a dome building project. There was tons of food there and I ate a bunch of green salad and some cooked grains and pasta. Amazingly I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. I felt heavy, had slight sinus pressure and my ears were throbbing...despite all that I was happy to spend time with great people. I really wished I had that light energy fruit eating feeling, instead of feeling so heavy. I think things are really starting to click for me and I will be staying all raw. I really crave health and vitality and I know how to have that in my life at all times. I feel such a strong need right now to surround myself with positive energy inside and out. Tomorrow is a new day of growth and healing...I am looking forward to it!

Days twenty and tweny one

Only 9 more days and I will be done with my thirty days. It is going by a lot faster than I thought it would.
Monday was a really hard day.
I woke up at 6. Ate 1 melon. Bike a mile to the bus stop. Bused downtown to drop off my daughter at writing camp. Biked a mile to the co-op. Biked 3 miles to the fruit stand. Ate 2 melons at the fruit stand and chatted. Biked 2 miles to my first cleaning job. Cleaned for 2 hours. Biked 2 miles to my next cleaning job, ate 1 lb. of cherries and cleaned for 2 hours. Biked 1/2 a mile to my last cleaning job. Ate 13 banana, 1/2 lb. spinach smoothie and cleaned/cooked for 2 hours. When getting ready to leave I ate about 3 cups of spaghetti with some organic beef in it. I immediately felt bloated and foggy headed. My nephew had dropped my daughter off with her scooter at my last cleaning job. Savana didn't want to ride the scooter the mile back home, so I let her ride my bike and I rode her scooter. It was an amazing work out. I was trying to keep up with her and that little scooter and I was pouring sweat by the time I got home, but it felt good. Even after that workout, my thoughts were still cloudy and I was very irritable and had this intense anger. My daughter kept throwing a fit because I told her that in the morning we had to get up early and go do yoga. She is used to going to her grandma's when I work and do things, but her grandma had knee surgery and so Savana is stuck with me until her grandma recovers. So anyway, she threw a fit for 2 hours, saying she wanted to live with her dad and on and on. My head was so cloudy that I couldn't come up with a way to resolve things like I usually can and that frustrated me even more, plus this anger in me kept building and building. I wished so bad that I hadn't eaten that spaghetti, it was affecting my parenting and making things so I couldn't think straight. Finally after 2 hours of Savana freaking out, I lost it and started yelling at her and told her to pack her bags and call her dad because she was living with him from now on. She immediately calmed down and said she didn't think things through, she didn't want to live with her dad and she was sorry. I apologized too and we finally went to bed at 10:30.
I had horrible dreams and woke up at 3 a.m. My head hurt and was fuzzy still. I couldn't go back to sleep so I just lied there for 2 hours and tried to rest. At 5 a.m. I got Savana up and she was just happy as ever to be going to yoga. We rode a mile to the bus stop and bused downtown town. Did an hour and a half of yoga, my yoga instructor was talking about energy and that really got me thinking about my energy the day before and how I don't want to put negative energy in my body anymore...only life giving energy. Afterward I ate 1 melon. Rode a mile to writing camp and dropped Savana off. Biked 1/2 mile to Flying M and had 48 oz. of fresh squeezed oj. Biked 1/2 mile to the co-op and ate 2 large organic apples on the gazebo after buying some groceries. Biked 1 mile back to writing camp and slept for an hour in the sun on the front lawn until Savana was go out of camp. I took Savana to pizza for lunch and she had vegetarian pizza. I was tempted to get a vegan one, but decided that I didn't want that kind of energy to go into my body. We took the bus home. I picked a bunch of wild unwashed greens from my garden and yard....thistle, purslane, lambs quarter, romaine and dandelions and we rode a mile to my job. I cooked/cleaned for 2 hours and had a 10 banana/ 1 lb. of wild greens smoothie. I felt so good after that smoothie. My thoughts became clear and I felt very peaceful and grounded. We rode a mile home. I watered the garden watched a movie and ate 1/2 lb. of dates and went to bed at 9.

Day nineteen

After my last post I ended up eating about 4 slices of raw goat cheese. I didn't feel any different at first and then a half hour later I broke out into a sweat, my forehead started tingling, my thoughts became foggy and all of a sudden the heat really started to bother me. I drank a bunch of water but that didn't seem to make me feel any better.
I went to bed at around 10 and had horrible dreams about a man killing his wife and baby. It was awful.
Woke up at 4 in a sweat and my mind was really foggy still. I drank a bunch more water and went back to sleep from 6 til 8.
When I woke up the second time I felt much better. I had 2 large melons for breakfast. I had set up a ride for church since it was at a park clear on the other side of Meridian, I knew it was too far for Savana to ride. Church was a lot of fun, we had service in the park and then had a potluck and a softball game afterward.
I didn't bring enough fruit with me and was hoping there would be enough at the potluck. I had brought half a watermelon to share. Well there wasn't enough fruit, if I would have eaten enough there wouldn't have been any left for anyone else. So I ate as much as I could without hogging it all. I knew I was in a really bad place and wasn't sure what to do. I knew I needed more calories if I wanted to play softball. I was eyeballing the chips and salsa. Instead I decided on some plain brown rice with a little salsa on top. I ate just a little to hold me over. It tasted so good that I ate more and more and more...I knew I was losing it! Finally I just threw my plate away and walked off to get myself together and breathe. My stomach was so full it was hard to walk and once again the heat started to bother me. My left ear started aching as well.
Thankfully the softball game started and I could focus on something else. I felt much better after playing softball. I had a hard time staying hydrated after all the salt that was in the salsa and my stomach was so full and bloated, but I did ok and softball was a blast.
After getting home I worked in my garden for a few hours and watched a movie on my laptop. I ate 1 lb. of dates during the movie and didn't eat anything else the rest of the day.
Went to bed around 10.

Days seventeen and eighteen: Friday and Saturday

Thursday night I believe I went to bed at around 9:30 and woke up on Friday at 7:30. I ate a large apple and rode 3 miles to work. At work I ate 3 more large apples and cleaned for 2 hours. I was feeling really good and strong. Nice peaceful happy thoughts. Next I rode a mile to the mall. Ate 1 lb. dates, took to bus about 6 miles, got off and rode the last 5 miles to work. Cleaned for 2 hours, was feeling really tired and weak. I kept thinking about that spaghetti sauce I made the night before at my last clients house. I knew there were still some leftovers in the fridge. I wanted to eat it when I went there next. Right before I left the house I was currently cleaning my client gave me three small cherry tomatoes, the first of their crop that they had just picked out of their garden. Those three little tomatoes tasted so incredibly good, they were still warm from the sun and they burst in my mouth, oooohhh...sooo delicious....and all of a sudden my spaghetti cravings were gone. A little light went on in my head and I realized that it was the tomatoes I had been craving all along. My body wanted tomatoes not processed spaghetti sauce. Yay! More understanding my body's language.
On the 6 mile ride to my last clients house I felt so wonderful. It was 100 degrees out, the sweat was pouring off me and I felt like I was invincible. What was even better was when I passed a sprinkler that sprayed me, I swear I could hear the water sizzle on my skin and it was the most amazing feeling. I was in full thriving mode and I knew that this is why I eat this way. This is why I crave health...just to experience the wonderful feeling of thriving. I started laughing and crying at the same time. I was in a full swing zone of health and vitality. Then as I kept biking I realized that I had brought into my life some negative energy lately and I needed to get it out. I had signed up on a dating web site called "plenty of fish" a couple of months ago. On the web site I was very clear about what I was looking for, but I swear none of the people that responded were anything close to what I was looking for and I doubt they even read what I wrote. I think they just looked at my picture and called it good. Everyone that talked to me on there had health problem, were needy, unhappy, etc. I was getting nothing positive from being on this web site and tons of negativity. Besides I am so totally happy being single, why do I want to date? So I decided that the dating web site needed to go...and it did...and I feel great about it.
So, back to arriving at my last job of the day. I made a 12 banana, head of red leaf lettuce smoothie, drank it and cleaned for two hours...(no cooking today..they were going out for dinner). I rode the last mile home. Sat outside in my lawn chair and talked with Jonathan. Ate one very small avocado and 5 large tomatoes. I was still in a very happy place, but was extremely tired. Jonathan kept talking to me about conspiracy theories and the "new world order" . It was causing my happy zone to fade so I told him I needed some alone time. When he left at 8. I got naked, crawled into bed and finished reading "Hunza Land", which is a fantastic read!! Very beautiful, healthy people. Then I went to sleep at around 8:30...it was a blissful 92 degrees in my house.
Woke up on Saturday at 7. Still felt tired. I ate 1/2 a watermelon for breakfast and had severe heartburn. Rode 3 miles to work, my heartburn had faded by then and I cleaned for 2 hours. Ate .25 lb. of dates and rode 3 miles to a fruit stand, bought a bunch of melons and rode a mile to my next job. Ate 3 melons and cleaned for 2 hours. Was really tired by this time. Very crabby about things. Wanted to stop eating all raw, was sick of fighting the cravings. Kept thinking about spaghetti again. Rode 3 miles to Bittercreek restaurant went in and had 2 large glasses of fresh squeezed OJ, 32 oz. They tasted so good and I was so very grateful to have a place to go that sells fresh squeezed OJ..(thanks Dave Krick for being awesome not only does he have fresh squeezed OJ but he gives me free local organic meat scraps for my cats, by 2012 he wants to have zero waste coming from his restaurant..what a guy.) I picked up cat meat scraps and rode 1/4 mile to the co-op, bought a bunch of food for my daughter since she would be coming back from her dad's tonight.
Rode 5 miles home and was feeling better mentally.
At home I made an 8 roma tomato, celery, romaine, 1/2 a very small avocado smoothie. It hit the spot! Did laundry, finally, I have had clothes soaking in the bathtub for 3 days and haven't gotten to washing them. I love washing my laundry by hand, it is a form of meditation for me, the same goes for cleaning houses. After I got them all hung and looking beautiful on the clothes line I decided to open my power bill. It was so great! I only used 38 kWh the whole month, $2.66 cents worth. My service charge was higher than my power usage. Woo hoo!!! I was very excited and did a victory dance. Thank you summer!!! Hopefully by next summer I will have a solar panel and be completely off grid. My goals are falling into place :)

Days fifteen and sixteen

I have been very tired since I've arrived home from my vacation.

Wed. morning I woke up at 6. I still felt tired. I had 2 melons for breakfast and rode 1/2 a mile to my first job. I cleaned for two hours and took the bus downtown. Bought some food at the co-op. Sat on the patio and ate a pint of fresh local raspberries. They were very delicious. I biked 3 miles to my next job. Ate 8 large plums and cleaned for 2 hours. Was on my way biking to my next job and I felt so very tired. I didn't know if I would make it the whole way. I realized that I was thirsty and it dawned on my that I didn't drink my 3 to 4 sixteen ounce glasses of water I drink every morning. At a stop light I drank a bunch of water and instantly felt better. The rest of the 7 mile ride was great. I felt so sexy and I waved and smiled at everyone like I usually do. It was great to be back on my bike again and not stuck in a car. At my last job I had a 12 banana, 1/2 pound of spinach smoothie and cleaned/cooked for 2 hours. Rode a mile back home.
As soon as I got home I lied down for a nap at 6:30 and didn't wake up until 4:30 the next morning.
Thursday after waking up at 4:30 I still felt a little tired, but couldn't go back to sleep. At 6 I rode 3 miles to yoga and did 1 1/2 hours of yoga. Afterward I ate two large plums and rode 2 miles to my first job of the day. Ate that job I ate 1 lb. of dates and cleaned for 2 hours. Biked a mile and a half to my next job and cleaned for 2 hours. Rode a block away and cleaned for another 2 hours. By this time I was starting to really drag. I felt so exhausted. I ate .25 lb. more of dates felt better and biked a mile to the co-op. I bought a bunch of food for myself and my client I was going to work for next. Biked 1/4 mile to bittercreek and picked up about 20 pounds of meat for my cats. (By the way I am carrying all the groceries and the meat in my bike baskets). I rode 5 miles home and dropped off the meat. Rode one more mile to my last client of the day. I was hungry again and I knew I hadn't eaten enough calories. I kept thinking about chips and salsa. At my clients I make a 10 banana, 1 pound of spinach smoothie. I was drinking it while I made my clients dinner. It was spaghetti and I wanted to take a little bite so bad. I felt like I was going insane with desire for that tiny little bite. I kept drinking my smoothie everytime this feeling would overcome me. I just told myself that I was low on calories and that it would all pass as soon as I got enough in me. Ate that job I cleaned/cooked for 3 1/2 hours. I finished all my smoothie and was still having cravings, but thankfully I was done and headed home. On the mile ride home the cravings were still driving me crazy. I just wanted to scream! I didn't feel sexy today or wave and smile at everyone as much as usual. I was so inside my head that it was hard to pull myself out and live in the moment. Even when I got home I was wishing I had rice or maybe I should order a vegan pizza to be delivered. Ahhhh!!!!
I knew I was tired, had a huge day of exercise and work, and I was under carbed. I just kept reassuring myself that I was fine and reminding myself about how great my ears have felt this past week and my sinuses have been so clear and my insides have felt great and been performing perfectly.
So that is where I am at right now. I don't know if I'm going to eat more tonight or not. I still feel full and my cravings have eased up. I am planning on going to bed early again. Tomorrow is supposed to be 101 degrees out. I can't wait! I love the heat so much...today has been pleasantly hot as well :)

Days thirteen and fourteen

Woke up at around 6:30. Ate 2 melons for breakfast. Started my drive back to Idaho. Ate 1 1/4lb. dates, 1 pint strawberries, 1 lb. cherries. Arrived at my friends in Idaho Falls at around 7. Ate 1/2 watermelon and later before bed ate 1 avocado. No real exercise of any significance today. Had a great time with my friends. Went to bed at around 10:30.
Woke up at 6. Ate 1/4 watermelon. Made a 20 banana, 1/2 lb. spinach smoothie and bottled it up for the trip. My friend that I was staying with wanted to try it and she loved it. I told her about Victoria Boutenko and she called me later and told me she had been on-line reading all Victoria's information. Very exciting!!! Anyway my friend said she wants to start having green smoothies every morning from now on :)
Left at 9 to finish driving to Boise. Went to craters of the moon national park and did about an hour and a half of hiking and cave exploring with Savana and my friends niece that was riding with me back to Boise. Ate a pint of raspberries and 1 lb. of strawberries. We stopped for lunch in Shoshone, Idaho where my dad grew up. I drank half of my 20 banana/spinach smoothie. Made it to Boise at about 5. Got home unloaded the car and drank the other half of my smoothie. An hour later started having cooked food cravings. I really wanted some rice, instead I ate 10 oz. of sweet baby tomatoes and my cravings went away.
Hopefully I am headed to bed soon. It's 8:30 and I am exhausted.

Days eleven and twelve

I woke up feeling very rested. I believe it was at about 6:30. I was staying at a campground in Wall, SD. that had electricity so I took the opportunity to blend 20 very ripe banana's with 1/2 lb. of organic mixed greens in my blender (I have no idea why I didn't bring my hand cranked blender). It ended making almost a whole gallon which I poured into a water container to carry around with me all day.
This was the big day of my 20 year class reunion. I was excited to see everyone and I felt peaceful and happy. I didn't know any of my class mates very well since I only went to school in Wall for my senior year, but since I went to 12 different schools growing up I really have no connections to any one school or got to know anyone very well at any of the schools I went to.
I drank about half of my banana smoothie for breakfast and it tasted so very good. Then Savana rode her scooter and I longboarded a couple blocks downtown to our meeting place. I found my classmates and we went through the parade. Afterward everyone got together for a potluck. I knew this would be a challenge for me so I drank a bunch more of my smoothie before getting there to make sure I was plenty full. At the potluck I ate a few veggies off the veggies platter. Waited a while and had some cherries that I had bought. Waited a while and had quite a bit of watermelon. It was very hard to stay strong, even my sneaky side kicked in when everyone was outside and I was alone with the food, I could just eat one piece of that hormone filled, fried to the max chicken and no one would know (other than my body!). My mind kept thinking about the chicken, potato salad and chips, but I would bring my thoughts back to health and vitality...I just looked around me and could see the visible results of eating those foods and decided I wanted no part in it. It was also a challenge talking to my classmates. In high school I was emotionally a mess, very shy and felt horrible all the time so I understood why my classmates back then were so standoffish. Now I am a cheery, happy, great conversationalist but it was a challenge to find anything to talk to with my classmates as well as get them to actually respond to me in a conversational manner. The main subjects of conversation were: getting drunk, how much they hate to exercise and what they all did together as kids. All topics that I don't relate too. Despite all that I stayed happy and my body felt very very good.
As I was leaving I mentioned that I was going to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation to see Wounded Knee. (I had actually forgotten about the prejudice against Natives that went on in South Dakota.) My classmates were very strong in their opinions in saying how bad and dangerous a place that was and all the horrible things those people would do to me. Wow! I assured them I would be safe and as soon as I got out of that town I felt a huge weight lift off of me.
Later on in Pine Ridge everyone was very nice and no one tried to kill or rape me or my daughter. The poverty, drug use and hopelessness of those people was so very sad. I ended up camping on the land of a Lakota man that went by the name Lonewolf. That evening I ate some cherries and later I finished the last of my smoothie. About an hour before bed I ate one avocado.
I went to bed around 10:30 and woke up at 7:30. It was great to sleep in. I ate 2 melons for breakfast and headed out at 9. I drove through Custer State park and the black hills headed to Wyoming. On the drive I ate .50 lbs. of dates, 2 apples, 1 lb cherries, 2 lbs. grapes and 1 lb. of strawberries, eating each food group at least an hour apart throughout the day. I drove until around 3 p.m. and I could barely keep my eyes open. I found a park in Wright, Wy that looked really nice with a pond. I spread out a blanket, told Savana she could sit next to me and read while I slept for an hour. An hour later I woke up and felt like a whole new person.
I was almost out of food and was getting a little worried. I had stopped at a couple of small towns but they didn't have fruit. I knew i would be ok though. At about 7:30 I made it to Riverton, WY. in the Wind River Indian Reservation, the difference in this reservation and Pine Ridge is astounding, the poverty doesn't seem to be bad here. The Natives and whites live together without a huge separation between to two. Anyway, Riverton had a Safeway. I was so happy to see a fantastic produce section!! yay!! I stocked up on lots of fruit and found a campground. The people at owl creek campground were very friendly and I sat outside as chatted with an older gentleman traveler. When he heard I went to Pine Ridge he told me stories about his adventures there and the wonderful people he had met. We also talked about why the poverty there is so much worse than on other reservations and how the prejudice against natives is so strong in South Dakota..and etc. It was great conversation. I had really bad cravings around 9 and thought I would die if I didn't get to eat some chips, instead I ate 4 large tomatoes and later a pint of raspberries. I felt satisfied again and went to bed feeling great at about 10:30.

Day ten...Friday

Today I had a lot of food cravings, but I stayed strong. It was tough, but I glad I made it through.

I spent most of the day driving. Drove through the black hills, visited bear country and storybook island. Made it to Wall, SD around 5ish. It was so good to not be driving anymore. Rode my longboard around town for about 45 minutes, it's a small town, there's only so many places to go. Walked around Wall Drug for about 1/2 hour.

It's hard to remember what I ate but here is what comes to mind:
2 melons, 1 lb. dates, 3 medium apples, 4 bananas, 2 lbs. strawberries...that doesn't seem like much, but it's all I can come up with right now. Traveling seems to make the days so blurry.

I felt good yesterday, though I was extremely tired. I went to bed at 10:30p.m. and got up at 5:30. I also didn't sleep very good because I got cold camping out. I will make sure and dress warmer for bed from now on.

Day nine

Made it through another day of all raw.
Went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and woke up at 5:30 a.m. Was understandable tired but still felt really good. At 1/8 of a watermelon. Drove and ate off and on for the rest of the day avoiding food combinations...2 melons, 2 lbs. of grapes, 2 apples, 1 lb dates, 3 lbs. of cherries. In Yellowstone I stopped and tried napping for a while but there were too many mosquitoes, so instead I ate a bunch of wild greens. In the Big Horn Mountains we stopped and hiked 3 miles to the medicine wheel and back. That was great getting some exercise after sitting for hours. I am not used to sitting so much and my body is very stiff, but it doesn't seem to hurt at all.
I had a pretty good attitude all day until it started to get late and I was so tired, I became a little grouchy with Savana. Otherwise I felt clear headed, happy and peaceful the whole day.
Loved seeing all the beautiful country as I was driving through.

Day eight

I had a fantastic day. Very busy but a lot of fun. I went to bed at 10:30, woke up at 5:30. Felt ok, but not too great, had really bad gas. Drank a bunch of water and felt better. I then decided that today was the day to stop messing around and commit to feeling my best.
I made a 5 banana smoothie, with lots of romaine, dandelion and beet greens from my garden. I felt really really good after that. Half hour later at 7 a.m. I rode 6 miles to my first job. I cleaned for 2 hours and rode 1 mile to the co-op. Stocked up on a bunch of organic fruit. I biked 3 miles to a fruit stand and bought a bunch of melons. Rode 1 mile to my next cleaning job. Ate 3 large cantaloupe and cleaned for 1 1/2 hours. Rode 3 miles to Boise Bicycle project and worked on my bike for an hour. Rode 5 miles to my last cleaning job. Ate half an avocado then later had a 3 banana, head of romaine smoothie, cleaned/cooked for 1 hour. Biked a mile back home. Felt great and strong.
Loaded up my mom's car and took off for South Dakota. It is so strange driving instead of biking. It's a whole different way of thinking...so anyway. On the drive I ate .50 lbs. in dates and 5 medium sized organic apples.
Made it to Pocatello by 10 p.m. and I am staying with a wonderful friend of mine for the night.

I made it the whole day eating fruits and greens and I feel fantastic!!! I had a goal to make it through one day and I did it. :) I feel like doing a little dance of success..haha. I haven't figured out my calories yet, I think they might be low, but I feel very sastified right now. Very very happy and peaceful.

Days six and seven

Yesterday was a pretty easy day. I went to bed late again the night before, since there was another slumber/movie party, I fell asleep around 1 ish. I woke up around 8. I felt pretty good. Ate 2 big slices of watermelon and rode 1/2 mile to the fruit stand. At the fruit stand I bought a bunch of melon's...my favorite fruit stand guy Tony cut a couple of them up for me and I ate them while we bs'ed for the next half hour. I then rode 1 1/2 miles home and ate another melon. An hour later I ate a 6 banana/mixed green smoothie. I was feeling really good, high energy, clear thoughts. I worked around the house on the garden and computer. Around noon I walked a couple of blocks to my mom's house. I ate a small portion of vegan spaghetti there. My ears started throbbing right away, but it went away within a half hour.
Later I rode a mile to work. Ate 2 large cantaloupe and cooked/cleaned for 2 hours. Rode a mile back home and ate another melon.
My friend Isaac came by and I took him on the tandem down the greenbelt and showed him all the wild fruit trees that are growing along the path. It was great fun and we have plans to raid the trees as soon as they are ripe :)
Went to bed around 10:30.
Woke up today at 5 a.m. Drank a bunch of water and rode 4 miles to yoga. Did a great 90 minute yoga session and rode 3 miles to the fruit stand. I was feeling good, strong and peaceful. I bought a bunch more melons and..of course..Tony cut a couple up for me and I ate them while we chatted. I then rode one more mile home. Took a 2 hour nap, ate half an avocado (my ears immediately started throbbing for the next 15 minutes) and rode a mile to work. Cleaned for 2 hours and rode another mile to my next job. Ate 2 cantaloupe and an hour later ate a small portion of organic chicken breast and some plain roasted potatoes..bad food combining...but I felt pretty good still, and amazingly my ears didn't start to throb. I cooked/cleaned for 2 hours and rode a mile home. After a couple of hours I got a slight headache and my neck felt really stiff.
I drank a bunch of water and felt better.
Rode 3/4 of mile to Fred Meyers with my daughter to get some last minute things for the trip to South Dakota tomorrow. I bought a sugar free apple pie when i was there...for some ridiculous reason...ate 2 pieces of it when I got home and of course felt instantly tired and am getting ready to head off to bed.

A little frustrated with my eating again today. My self control still seems to be wimping out on me. Regardless I am going to try again tomorrow and every day until I feel good all day and have all nutrient filled, life giving calories going into my body.

Day five

This last weekend has been so crazy and different from my usual day to day life, it is hard for me to remember what happened at what times, but I think I remember most of yesterday chronologically.
I went to bed really late...like 2 a.m. I think I fell asleep watching movies at the slumber party. I woke up at 7:30 a.m. Needless to say..not only did I have a cooked food hangover again, but I was suffering from major lack of sleep. I drank a lot of water in the morning..not sure how much. Ate 2 big pieces of watermelon and biked from my friends house 3 miles to church at 9:30. I was feeling really good, clear headed and happy. After church I biked a mile to the co-op and bought a bunch of melons. I ate half a watermelon sitting in the sun on the co-op patio, I felt so good and peaceful. Biked 5 miles home and ate a gala melon and a cantaloupe. Took a 2 hour nap, woke up and ate .50 lbs. in dates. Rode 3 miles to a 4th of july party. At the party I ate a bunch of broccoli, cauliflower and jicama dipped in a vegan sauce. A while later, I caved in and ate some chips and salsa (I love chips and salsa, it is so hard for me to resist). I didn't eat very much because I just wasn't feeling very energetic and already felt really full...regardless my ears started throbbing again and I was super tired. At 10:30 p.m. after watching the fireworks I rode a mile to my friends house for another movie/slumber party night. Everyone there was so tired and low energy..most of us didn't even make it all the way through the movie without falling asleep...including myself.
I am feeling like my evening cooked food binges are coming to an end. I am tired of them and I am tired of not feeling my best. Reading Myra's blog today really helped me, I saw her make it through her cravings and I have done the same thing in the past, I can do it again! I have the strength in me that Myra has, I can do it!

Day four

I didn't get to do a post last night, I went to a slumber/movie party at a friends and didn't bring my mac along. So here is yesterdays info.

Went to bed at 10:30, woke up at 5:30. Didn't sleep good from eating the raw cheese before bed (I went on a crazy binge after having a little bit and ate the whole 5 oz.). I had legs cramps all night from all the salt that was in the cheese and I was full of mucus, was puffy and swollen.

I felt horrible when I woke up...my sinuses where burning and my inner ears throbbed. I drank 48 oz of water and started to feel better.I made a 5 tomato, 4 small juiced grapefruits and 3 small juiced oranges drink, bottled it up and rode 5 miles to my first job. Drank my bottled drink 32 oz. and cleaned for 2 hours. I rode a mile to the co-op, bought 2 lbs. of fresh local organic strawberries and ate them on the patio. I started to feel my super powers kicking in, I rode another mile to my next job, cleaned for 2 hours. Rode 3 miles to a fruit stand, bought 3 honeydew melons and rode another mile to my last job. At the 3 melons and cleaned for 2 hours. Next I rode 7 miles back home ate .50 oz of dates and took a 2 hour nap.

Woke up, make 16 oz. kiwi, dandelion, romaine smoothie. Rode a mile to see a concert in a park. Drank my smoothie and visited with people I knew. I ate a bunch of blueberries that someone shared with me, than ate a bunch of papaya another raw friend shared. I was a little concerned about food combining, but still felt good, strong, happy and peaceful.

At 9 p.m. I rode to a friends birthday/slumber party. We watched movies that were projected on a wall outside, while we all snuggled in blankets. I ate a bunch of tortilla chips and salsa, a little bit of popcorn, 2 pieces of dark chocolate, and some quinoa tomato casserole. Needless to say I wasn't feeling good anymore and my ears started throbbing again really bad. I was still happy though and snuggled all night between two very respectful but great looking guys :)

Woke up the next morning with another food hangover...once again...sigh. I will share more about that when I post todays eating and events.

This is so hard admitting all of this waste I am putting in my body. I had a slight bit of panic set in today...thinking that I wouldn't be able to keep up posting for the full 30 days. I don't want people to see these horrible eating patterns I get myself into. I thought I would be able to stop easier if I had to tell everyone about the damage I am doing to my body, but that doesn't seem to be stopping me at all. There are parts of my mind that just say "*&%^$ it" and my will power just seems to be zapped. I have to keep telling myself that I am getting better and that I am getting stronger...I sure hope I am right.

Day three

I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. I went to bed at 11:30 p.m. and woke up at 7:30 a.m.
At 8:30 I grabbed a banana and ate it one my way out the door, on my way to work I realized that I didn't pack enough food with me and that I wouldn't have time to stop at a store. I decided I had enough of my emergency dried dates on me to hold me over and that I would be fine. I then biked 4 miles to my first job. I ate one cantaloupe and cleaned for 2 hours. Next, I biked a mile to the mall, ate 5 apples and .26lbs. of dates and got on the bus. I got off and rode the last 6 miles to work out in Eagle, I was feeling strong and my vibrance was back. I cleaned for 2 hours and biked 7 miles back to Boise and to my next job. Was still feeling good, strong and peaceful. I ate one cantaloupe at my last job and cleaned/cooked for 2 hours. I biked a mile home. Had a 2 banana, .50 lb date and head of romaine smoothie. Watched another movie on my laptop with my friend Jonathan...(we rented a bunch of Alfred Hitchcock movies from the library and are going through them). At 8 p.m. ate 4 small slices of raw cheese...didn't want to post this last part, but I need to be completely honest. I forgot to make it to the store and ran out of fruit, I needed more calories for all the exercise and cleaning I had done today. So after I ate the cheese my sinuses plugged up slightly and my head felt fuzzy and a little bit heavy.
I think these posts are really helping me. I am better able to see my weak points and how I can fix them. Like today for example, I need to make sure I have enough fruit in the house, especially when I have high exercise days. Instead of watching the movie right away I could easily have taken a half hour to run to the store quick and stock up on more fruit, my lame excuse of why I didn't do that is because I would rather go to the fruit stands or co-op and give them my business instead of the grocery store since I try not to support corporations....the fruit stands were closed..the co-op too far away. Logically, I could have gotten enough at the grocery store to hold me over until I could make it to the places I wanted to shop at. My health needs to override my choice of where I shop.

Day two

Today was really tough. I went to bed at 10:30 last night and was woken up by one of my cats at 5:30. I tried to go back to sleep for an hour but it didn't work. I knew I would be tired from not sleeping too well the night before.
I ate a 1/4 watermelon and a cantaloupe at 7:30. At 8 I biked a mile to work. At work I was dragging. I cleaned for 2 hours and biked 2 miles to my next job. I felt weak and knew I needed to eat more. At my next job I ate 2 cantaloupe. I felt much better and cleaned for 2 more hours. My thoughts were not peaceful thoughts and I knew my body was acidic still, probably from all the fats I had for dinner the day before.
After that I went to the co-op. Bought some organic celery and organic grapes. I ate 2 lbs. of grapes on the patio, rode to Bittercreek and picked up meat scraps for my cats. I had a large glass of fresh squeezed orange juice at Bittercreek. After that I went to the bank and rode the bus back home. Switched bikes and picked up my daughter on the tandem at her grandma's a block away and we rode a mile to my last job. I cleaned for 1 1/2 hours there and had a 10 kiwi, head of romaine smoothie. After work, we biked a mile back home. I was really really tired and the bike ride home was a real struggle. My mind kept thinking repetitive thoughts about all the cooked food I love, I was so hard to not pick some up and eat it. For some reason I kept thinking it would wake me up and give me energy, when really what I needed was sleep.
Once I got home I layed down on the couch and took a two hour nap. Woke up feeling much better. Drank a bunch of water, watered the garden.
Watched a movie with my friend Jonathan and ate 2 lbs. of local cherries. Felt really good, peaceful thoughts were back. Cooked food cravings were gone...whew! Made it through another day.

day one of food intake

I am spending the next 30 days revealing what I eat every day, how I feel and how much exercise I am doing.
Day one:
slept horrible, had bad dreams about food. I woke up feeling groggy and foggy headed from eating bad the night before. Got up at 6:30a.m.
Biked 1 mile to work and back
Breakfast: 8 small organic brae burn apples: worked cleaning for 3 hours
Felt much better. Fog lifted, energy was back. Felt very happy, content and peaceful.
took city bus across town to fruit stand. Biked 1/2 mile to next job.
Lunch: 3 cantaloupe: worked cleaning for 2 hours
Still feeling great. Had great mind set and attitude.
Took city bus back across town
Worked cleaning and cooking for 2 hours.
Biked 1 mile home.
Dinner: Went out to Shangri-la tea room to see a presentation (drove my mom's car because I brought some kids along). Wish I would have biked.
Ate a cabbage salad, it came with a citrus ginger dressing that I am sure had oil in it. Also, I had a small portion of raw avocado-cacao pudding.
Developed a small headache after eating all those fats and cacao. Felt irritable and was cranky with my daughter. Felt like my energy had been zapped, wished I could go to bed and it was only 7p.m.

Tomorrow I want to focus on eating some greens and avoiding all overt fats. We will see how well that goes :)

what I learned from an apple

A few years ago, after turning my life around with eating raw, I was about six month into the raw lifestyle. I was going on a walk and eating an apple. The apple I was eating tasted so good, it was the most amazing thing I had ever eaten. With each bite I could feel the life of the apple flowing through my body...giving me life, peace and healing. I felt my mind enter into a whole new realm and I was overcome with gratitude. I started sobbing and sobbing...still walking and eating my apple (probably looked a little crazy :) ). I realized that this apple was what was keeping me alive, I was a living, walking, breathing person because of the gifts the earth had given me. The food that not only kept me alive but allowed me to thrive was from trees and plants, not from packages and wrappers and stores or death...all the food I was eating was a gift from nature. Without trees and plants to keep me alive...I would either have to go back to eating dead foods that caused me to live a life of disease and depression or I would die. During this intense awakening, I also thought back to my old life and felt so very very sorry for all the damage I had already done to this wonderful planet. I used to throw my cigarette butts all over, I would litter all the time, I would pour toxic chemicals all over the ground and many more things...not even thinking about the consequences of my actions. Not only was I destroying the earth, but I was destroying myself. Now that I was loving and healing myself, I knew it was only right to love and heal the earth. What is good for the earth is also good for me and vice versa. I had become one with the planet I lived on and it was an incredible awareness. I was eating living food for my living body...and because of that I was experiencing life to it's fullest.

At this time my purpose in life became very clear. My life was needed to help the life of the planet. My calling was to do everything in my power to heal the earth and make it better not only for myself and my children but for all future generations. Without a healthy planet every single person, plant and animal that lives on it suffers.

I decided to first step I needed to do to heal the planet was to start with my own life. My truck was the first thing I wanted to address. I didn't enjoy it anymore like I used to, I felt it wasn't adding quality to my life and it was a great supporter of foreign oil and the destruction of the earth in many many ways. I parked it in my driveway and rode my bike for a full year only driving my truck a handful of times. When the year was up and I had gone through every possible scenario of what if's over and over again in my head...I felt it was time for it to go. I remember shaking when I handed the keys over...scared to death. Once it was out of my driveway and completely gone I was overcome with joy. I felt so light and free...it was an incredible feeling and I liked it. I liked it so much that I wanted more. I decided my next goal would be to get off grid and no longer support coal or hydro power...which in Idaho we have 50% coal and 50% hydro...both destroy the earth and nature in many ways. I started by getting rid of my dryer and using a clothes line...that seemed to go well..so I got rid of my washing machine. Washing my clothes out each morning from the day before seemed to be no problem. Each time I got rid of something the better and lighter I felt...so out went the TV, freezer, stove, a/c, large appliances..(all were donated to people who needed them). I also turned my cleaning business green....making all my own cleaning supplies with non-toxic ingredients and biking to all my jobs.
Now I have only a small mini fridge, hot water heater (that I keep the breaker turned off until I need it), a hot plate (rarely used), low power space heaters (winter only), low wattage lights (winter only), phone and laptop chargers. Hopefully by next winter I will have solar panels installed and then I should be set :)
Amazingly, my life is so much easier and simple than it used to be. None of these changes have made my life harder. I don't mind wringing and hanging my clothes, I find it very relaxing and meditative. I like making my smoothies with my hand cranked blender, it gives me a great work out and is fun to use. My life has none of the drama and chaos that it used to have. Instead it has abundance. Money is never an issue anymore, I always have more than I need. I always have food and clothing. I pay my bills months ahead of time. I never have to worry about gas prices or alternators or insurance or batteries or brake pads. I am never sick or depressed or suffer from severe mood swings. My business is thriving and I have more work than I need. I love biking everywhere, it makes me feel like a kid again.
I had no idea when I changed my diet that my life would change in such an incredible way. As I said in my previous blog...sometimes I fall back into old patterns, but now that I know what a life of health and abundance is like I am able to pull myself right back up on track...continually moving forward :)
You never know what eating an apple on a walk can do...lol...it could change your life.

fear of health

I am reading a book called "Emotional Intelligence", recommended by Adam from "30 bananas a day". I feel that there are some self destructive issues in my life that I want to deal with.

I have been coming up against some "road blocks" in making healthy choices. Ever since I've started eating 80/10/10 the longest I have been able to stay eating this way has been for 3 months straight. On average I can make 3 or 4 days and then I find that I feel incredibly good and as much as I enjoy that feeling it very foreign to me and I reach out for what's familiar.

Ever since I was a baby I have lived with pain and sickness. When I was a 4 month old baby my right leg was burned from hot water from the bathroom sink. I was left in the sink while my mom was out of the room, somehow the hot water got turned on and the water ran onto my leg for quite a while. Most of my childhood was spend in and out of hospitals getting skin graphs on my leg. So with all the surgeries I've had and then becoming sick and depressed at the age of 12, my whole life up until the age of 34 has been full of hospitals and sickness. That is all I had ever known, sickness is very familiar and comfortable to me.

So now that I have found health I am stepping into unfamiliar territory. When I eat healthy, feel healthy and live healthy I feel great on one level but I also feel scared and bare on another level. I find myself purposefully eating foods that I know will bring me down because I want to feel that blanket of sickness. I want what's familiar to me. I also have no childhood memories attached to fruits and vegetables. We ate very few of those in my childhood home and our fruit intake was composed of fruit pies from Eddie's bakery...which actually don't even have real fruit.

So how do I change this self destructive behavior? How can I feel comfortable in a healthy thriving body?

I just keep at it. It is like learning a foreign language, there comes a point in the learning process where everything clicks. There is not an option for me to go back to eating fast food and being sick all the time. That I cannot live with...I am all about self improvement. I want to become the very best person I can be...mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. Now that I have tasted the sweet nectar of health, I will continue on that path.

I have read it can take years to fully transition into a healthy raw diet. In November it will be year number 4 for me..with 2 years as 80/10/10 raw vegan. This is a little discouraging to me, but not that much. I have come a long way in a short amount of time. I spent 34 years living my old patterns and only 4 in changing those patterns to new ones. Some people have been able to jump into eating right without looking back...they just go 100% and stay that way. I haven't been able to do that, but I will get there. I just keep filling myself with knowledge and work on loving myself and my body every day. I am only becoming better.

All of my life I felt sick. I remember especially at age 12 I started having IBS in the form of chronic diarrhea. Also at the age of 12 was when I started having severe depression and mood swings. During the lunch hour at school I would sit in a corner by myself in a state of extreme depression. As I grew older I continued to slowly gain weight and continued to feel worse and worse. In my mid 20's I started taking anti-depressants, which would help temporarily but then I would after a while I would have to take more in order to feel their effects. By the time I was 34 years old I felt so sick all the time that I was sure I was dying and my depression was worse than ever even though I was on the highest dose of effexor that they would allow. I was also at my heaviest then, weighing 250lbs, eating fast food three times a day and guzzling a 6 pack of pepsi daily. I went to doctor after doctor only to be told over and over again that it was all in my head and nothing was wrong with my body. Finally in one of my emergency room visits after getting an ultra sound I was told that my gal bladder was full of stones and needed to be taken out. Surgery was scheduled a month out and I wasn't sure if I would survive another month. At the time I felt I would get better if I could just make it to surgery. I was sure that my gal bladder is what had been causing all of my health problems since I was 12. After the surgery I went straight to Sonic and got my favorite breakfast burrito. I immediately broke out into a sweat and the pain in my body was even worse than before surgery. I was devastated and called the surgeon only to be told by the nurse that some people don't get better right away and it could take a year before I got better. I didn't think I would last a year.

Somehow I was determined to survive. One day I was so miserable and in pain laying in bed when this infomercial came one. I felt too bad to even bother to change the channel. The guy on TV was talking about how the food we were being fed was bad for us and that we could heal our bodies by changing our diets. He was selling a book "What they don't want you to know" by Kevin Trudeau...or something close to that. I was so sick and desperate that I ordered the book, thinking it can't make me any worse! A few days later the book arrived and I dove into it. It talked about all the preservatives, chemicals, pesticides that are in our food and how the food was making people sick. I thought...I've got nothing to lose...so I changed what I ate. I started cooking at home instead of heading to McDonalds or ordering pizza. I started to feel a little better but not great. Just feeling a little better though made me realize that changing what I ate could make me feel better. I started reading more about food and one day came across an article that talked about raw food and living enzymes. Ah-ha...I thought, maybe I am not producing my own enzymes and I should eat food that has living enzymes in it. So I switched to eating raw fruits and veggies. I immediately felt fantastic within a day. I had no idea I could feel so good since I had never felt that good at any point in my entire life. I went on a roller coaster for about 6 months where I would eat all fruit and veggies for a few days and feel so good but then I would feel so hungry I thought I would starve to death and eat some cooked food. As soon as I would eat the cooked food I would immediately feel horrible..literally within a few minutes of eating the food. After about six months of this cycle I decided that I was done feeling bad and I went 100% raw. I felt so good and had great energy. Not only that I seemed to think quicker and clearer. I decided to quit taking my anti-depressants since my depression seemed to be gone. I quit taking effexor cold turkey...which is a very very bad idea...I went through 3 months of horrible drug withdrawls. After coming out of that horrible experience I felt even better, so I decided to quit smoking cigarettes..which was hard, but nothing like getting off effexor.

So here I was eating all raw fruits and veggies and feeling amazing, losing weight like crazy while having endless amounts of energy. The only think missing was other people who ate like me. I started searching for other raw foodies who lived in Boise and I found them. They introduced me to a whole different world of raw food eating. I was shown how to soak nuts and seeds, how to make raw brownies, raw pies, raw crackers...etc. I started making all of these great recipes and eating tons of prepared raw foods. I didn't really even need to eat fruits and veggies anymore I could eat all this other food that tasted just like to food I was "used to", the food I grew up eating. After about 3 month of eating like this I started to feel bad again. I started to feel depressed, gain weight, have mood swings. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I was eating "the best diet in the world", why was my health failing again?

It was around this time in my life that I met a lady named Michele who was attending a raw food class I was co-teaching. Michele told me about a book called 80/10/10 by Dr. Doug Graham. She said that maybe I was eating too many fats. I was skeptical but I read the book anyway. The book made logical sense and I thought I should at least try what Dr. Graham was suggesting. In the book he was saying that our diets need to be made up of mostly fruits and veggies with very little nuts, seeds, avocado's or any overt fats. 80 percent carbs, 10 percent fat, 10 percent protein. So I started eating fruits and veggies again and immediately felt better, just like before when I started eating them.

So this is where I am at. 2 years later I am still eating 80/10/10. I do slip up now and then and even eat cooked food at times but I always regret it and feel my very best when I follow 80/10/10 a hundred percent. I continue to struggle with my food addictions, but my life is incredible over all.

In another blog I will share how I made a connection to the earth and how that changed my life in such a way I got rid of my truck and am now a year round cyclist. Also this year I planted 14 fruit trees around my neighborhood.