Last night I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 8a.m. I slept pretty good and had a dream of running and running but never getting short of breath or tired no matter how far or how long I ran. It was a great dream.
I got up, was on the computer a short amount of time and then got ready to go snorkeling.
I squeezed 70 oz. of tangelo juice and bottled it up to take with me. I also grabbed a big bag of rambutans. We headed out at about 10ish. Drove into Hanalei, rented snorkel gear for $5 a day, and bought a disposable underwater camera, on the drive I ate a bunch of katook (little yummy green leaves). Drove to Annini beach and headed out into the reef. The guy at the snorkel shop told up that the surf was really high today and that most of the beaches were closed. He thought that Annini beach would be ok, but still questionable. Janie had already said she wasn't going to snorkel that morning and stayed on the beach. The rest of us, Darrel, April (the new girl), Savana and myself decided that because of the high surf we wouldn't go out very far. We started swimming toward these buoy's where Darrel said there were good corals. I could tell there was a current but we were swimming with it so I didn't realize how strong it was. When we got out past where we couldn't touch anymore near the buoy I then realized what I was dealing with. I grabbed onto the buoy. I could see Savana coming toward me in full panic mode. I grabbed her when she got to me. Darrel had brought his body board with us to be safe and because he had dealt with having to rescue people in the past and knew that things went a lot smoother with the board. Darrel swam over and I told him that we needed to take Savana to shallower water. He put her on the board and told me that if I wanted he could come back and get me. I said I thought I could swim against the current and if not I would come back to the buoy and wait for him. April had already headed back a while ago. So the three of us headed back against the current which I could handle but it was quite a workout. In shallower water we found some corals but the current was so strong it was hard to hold still long enough to see anything. After about a half hour of struggling around we decided to get out.
Back on the beach I drank my 70 oz. of tangelo juice and ate a few rambutan but most of them had gone bad so there wasn't very many that were edible. Janie and April were weaving cool baskets from grass they had picked. It was awesome.
I rested a little and called my friend Maggie who had almost died of organ failure a couple of weeks ago. At that time everyone thought she was not going to pull out of it and I was sure that I would be spending the rest of my vacation mourning the loss of my dear friend. She surprised us all though and pulled out of it miraculously. She had just started being able to talk again a couple of days ago and last night her daughter said she was at a care center and gave me her number. When she answered the phone and I heard her beautiful voice I was so happy I started crying. We had a short but wonderful talk since I barely had a connection and kept cutting out.
After talking to Maggie I saw some people snorkeling at the other end of the beach. I walked down there and figured if the current was still bad over there at least it would just bring me back to where everyone else was. The current wasn't as bad over there and I had a lot of fun snorkeling around for about an hour. I didn't realize how much time had gone by until I saw Savana and Darrel in the shore trying to get my attention to tell me it was time to go.
We all loaded back up, returned the gear and came back to the house.
I got on the computer and did a web chat with some other fruity people for about a half hour. I skyped my friend Doug briefly and then Janie said they were going to play miniature golf if Savana and I wanted to go. I walked to the store to get Savana ingredients for her dinner. Came back and made myself a liter of papaya/banana smoothie. Drank that up quickly and we were off.
I was still a little bit hungry when we left but figured I would be ok until we got back. I had fun playing golf, it was lightly raining on us but it was still warm. As the game went on I was getting hungrier and hungrier. I was also feeling weaker and weaker. By the time we were done I was feeling like I desperately needed food. Everyone was goofing around and Darrel was trying to add up our scores. I was almost in a panic. I asked Darrel if he could do that at the house and told him and Janie that I was really hungry and needed food as soon as possible. So we drove back to the house and Janie asked if there was anything she could do to help me eat right away. I was so grateful for her understanding and willingness to help, I knew I could whip up a smoothie really fast and I would be ok. At the house I ran inside. Janie and Savana grabbed me banana's and a papaya. I crammed them in the blender, added some water and blended them up. It took me about 2 minutes to get that smoothie from the blender into my stomach. I felt so much better...ahhhh. I made it! I hadn't realized how many calories I had burned with all the snorkeling I did. My body was quite aware of it though! After I ate I made Savana her dinner and come in my room to do my blog.
Janie just came in to check on me to see if I was feeling better. She is so great!
I also ate two caimito's while writing this blog. My tummy is very happy now :)
I weighed myself this morning. I am at 153 lbs. down 7 lbs. and I believe this is my eighth day eating low fat raw. I seem to be losing almost a pound a day. Yeah!
I am now doing 5 push ups. I'm thinking it will be up to 6 by tomorrow :)
Tomorrow we are going to go work out at the farm. I love working at the farm! It will be fun :)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
5 days left in Kauai
Today was much better than yesterday.
Last night I went to bed at around midnight and woke up at 7 a.m.
I got on the computer for a while. Went outside in the gorgeous sun and made some phone calls. While I was talking on the phone I sat on the grass and did some great stretches.
Came back in and squeezed my 64oz. of tangelo juice. Janie had rescued a young 22 year old woman from a bad woofing situation earlier in the day. I drank my tangelo juice while we all sat around her, listened to her story and comforted her. It is so great that Janie was able to get her out of the situation that she was in, being a 22 year old female alone in a strange place can be hard it itself...let alone being harassed by the person in charge. She was very happy to be here and we were happy to have her here.
Later Savana and I played on the aerial fabrics for a short amount of time. Then I had her work on some of her math.
For lunch I ate 3 papaya's and had a liter of papaya/banana smoothie. Then I took an hour nap. After my nap I walked to the store to get Savana ingredients for her spaghetti dinner. I came back, played big boggle with her, made her dinner and got on the computer again for a while. I skyped a friend and munched on a few dehydrated tomato's while we talked. By the time we got off the phone I was ravished. I was so very hungry. I briefly had a craving for some cooked food but what I really wanted was another smoothie. This time I just used banana's and made a liter. That hit the spot. I felt full and satisfied. My mind was clear and I was happy. I was wanting to do more exercise today but Savana had requested another day of rest. Tomorrow will be great fun, since we are planning on going snorkeling. It will be a day full of fun in the water and sun.
I felt very calm and peaceful again today. The empty feeling I experienced yesterday was gone and so was the anger. I thought about doing some work writing about my sister, but decided to rest on it until another time.
There was a lot of sharing and conversation around the house today with the new girl being here. I really enjoyed that.
I am up to 4 push ups now. I hope to make it to ten before I leave. I might not make it, but it will be close.
I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the cold when I get back to Boise, but am wondering if that is actually possible. I think I am better off enjoying the warmth of Hawaii while it is still here :) I know I can deal with the cold. I have done it my whole life. I am just very grateful to have had one month of winter spent here in paradise. Next year will definitely have to be 2 months.
Last night I went to bed at around midnight and woke up at 7 a.m.
I got on the computer for a while. Went outside in the gorgeous sun and made some phone calls. While I was talking on the phone I sat on the grass and did some great stretches.
Came back in and squeezed my 64oz. of tangelo juice. Janie had rescued a young 22 year old woman from a bad woofing situation earlier in the day. I drank my tangelo juice while we all sat around her, listened to her story and comforted her. It is so great that Janie was able to get her out of the situation that she was in, being a 22 year old female alone in a strange place can be hard it itself...let alone being harassed by the person in charge. She was very happy to be here and we were happy to have her here.
Later Savana and I played on the aerial fabrics for a short amount of time. Then I had her work on some of her math.
For lunch I ate 3 papaya's and had a liter of papaya/banana smoothie. Then I took an hour nap. After my nap I walked to the store to get Savana ingredients for her spaghetti dinner. I came back, played big boggle with her, made her dinner and got on the computer again for a while. I skyped a friend and munched on a few dehydrated tomato's while we talked. By the time we got off the phone I was ravished. I was so very hungry. I briefly had a craving for some cooked food but what I really wanted was another smoothie. This time I just used banana's and made a liter. That hit the spot. I felt full and satisfied. My mind was clear and I was happy. I was wanting to do more exercise today but Savana had requested another day of rest. Tomorrow will be great fun, since we are planning on going snorkeling. It will be a day full of fun in the water and sun.
I felt very calm and peaceful again today. The empty feeling I experienced yesterday was gone and so was the anger. I thought about doing some work writing about my sister, but decided to rest on it until another time.
There was a lot of sharing and conversation around the house today with the new girl being here. I really enjoyed that.
I am up to 4 push ups now. I hope to make it to ten before I leave. I might not make it, but it will be close.
I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the cold when I get back to Boise, but am wondering if that is actually possible. I think I am better off enjoying the warmth of Hawaii while it is still here :) I know I can deal with the cold. I have done it my whole life. I am just very grateful to have had one month of winter spent here in paradise. Next year will definitely have to be 2 months.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
6 day's left in Kauai
Hello emotions! Here they come....day 6 of eating all low fat raw.
Last night I read some before bed. A book called "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". It's a really good book and is making me want to ride on a motorcycle. I went to sleep around 11 p.m.
Woke up this morning at 8 a.m., didn't sleep very good and didn't want to wake up. I really didn't have a choice though since there was some big machinery outside making a racket. I made 64 0z. of fresh squeezed tangelo juice and went outside to make some phone calls. My last call was to my sister. I felt somewhat frustrated after the call. I guess there is a part of me that wants my sister to "get me" and realistically that is never going to happen.
I came back in and got on the computer. I was still feeling frustrated and empty. I just wanted to zone out on the computer and not think. A part of me was thinking...but you're in Hawaii and it is a beautiful day out...and you want to stay inside and zone out? The other part of me ignored that voice of reason and continued to zone. Savana kept coming up to talk to me and messing up my zoning out. I felt angry and asked her in not so nice of a way to "please, just leave me alone for 5 minutes...I need some alone time". She went away and I stayed on the computer for another hour or so.
Finally I decided to go ahead with my plans of walking to the Kilauea lighthouse. I told Savana to get ready and we headed off. I was told it was only about a mile walk and I was glad to be outside getting fresh air and exercise. I brought along my ipod and turned up the music to continue my zone mode. Savana immediately started complaining that it was hot and wanted to know why we had to walk. I became angry with her again and told her that I didn't want to hear any complaining about exercise. She started pouting behind me and I just turned up my music louder and kept walking.
We got to a parking area and lookout before the lighthouse and there was a sign saying that no pedestrians could enter..only cars. Ok...interesting. Savana went off to sit in the shade and I stood looking out at the ocean for a while, thinking about what we should do. I got out the camera and called Savana over to take a picture of her with the view. There was another couple next to me and they asked if I wanted them to take a picture of both of us together. I told them that would be great and did the same for them. Then I asked if they were going into the park with the lighthouse. They said they were and I asked if we could ride in with them since we came on foot. They were happy to help and we rode in with them.
At the entrance to the park at the pay booth Savana was given a chart to fill out about the birds and plants she will see along the path. We had a good time filling out the chart on the walk to the lighthouse. We also saw some sea turtles swimming and had fun looking through the binoculars and different things. We when we got to the lighthouse I spent quite a while looking out at the ocean and felt much more peaceful. Back in the parking lot there was an older couple walking to their car. I asked if we could ride out with them. The man thought about it a minute and asked if I was going to hit him over the head or anything. A little stunned I assured him we just needed a ride out to the lookout area since no pedestrians were allowed to walk the narrow road. He said that should be fine. So we got in and started talking. Him and his wife are from northern Minnesota and are visiting for 17 days. When we got to the lookout area they asked if we wanted to ride all the way into Kilauea. I was thinking the walk back would be good, but Savana said "oh yes please!" So they took us the rest of the way into town.
When we got to Janie's house she was getting ready to leave to pick up Darrel at the farm. I felt like I needed to keep myself busy and not go back into my zone, so Savana and I went along. On the drive I mentioned to Janie my phone call to my sister and shared with her some of my family history and she did the same back. I also feasted on a bunch of rambutan's. I felt slightly light headed from the rambutan's and realized that I hadn't eaten very many greens yesterday. When we got to the farm I grabbed a bunch of katook (a very yummy green leaf) and munched on a whole lot of it. I immediately felt better and more grounded.
While at the farm we picked up Darrel, did an errand, stopped at the hardware store and drove back. The drive back was fun...the music was going...Savana and I were car dancing together in the back seat to Lady Gaga.
Back at the house Janie and I were in the kitchen making dinner together. I told her I was feeling so angry today and I didn't know why. Very wisely she mentioned maybe it had to do with my phone call to my sister. The light bulb when on in my head...oh yeah..that's it. I made up my dinner of shredded carrots, zucchini, jicama covered in tomato sauce made with freshly dehydrated tomato's, tomato's, fresh squeezed tangelo and lemon juice and green onion stems. I sat down to eat my meal and the first bite was so unsatisfying. I didn't want that...I wanted something more...something heavy....something to make me numb...maybe I could make some steamed brown rice...that wouldn't be too harmful on my system. This food was too light and I was sick of it. I knew what was happening. It happens every time I eat all fruits and veggies and especially happens when I start having to deal with my emotions. I quickly reminded myself of what I was feeling and started eating my very unsatisfying meal. I took a few bites and then wondered where Janie was. I knew she had just made her meal of shredded carrots, parsley and lemon juice and I thought we could eat together. I found her in her room happily munching away. I sat down with her and told her mine didn't taste good. She tasted it and said it tasted good to her. I started eating it again and with each bite it seemed to be tasting better and better. Janie and I talked as we both ate our meals, before I knew it I had finished it all and felt very full and very satisfied.
After dinner I came into my room and skyped my friend Doug. We had a really good talk. I shared with him how I was feeling and the emptiness inside of me. It was a great talk. He suggested I figure out what I am wanting from my sister that I am not giving myself...or something like that...I can't remember exactly, strange how I happened to forget what he said, the key to getting to the bottom of my anger today. I guess I will have to ask him again.
So to summarize the day. I am so grateful for having such wonderful friends. I love being surrounded by people that encourage me and are full of wisdom. It was a tough day for me, but I made it through. I resisted the temptation to suppress my emotions with food and stayed strong. I am staying on this path of loving my body and giving it only the best food. I am not going to quit...so bring those emotions on! I'm ready.
Last night I read some before bed. A book called "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". It's a really good book and is making me want to ride on a motorcycle. I went to sleep around 11 p.m.
Woke up this morning at 8 a.m., didn't sleep very good and didn't want to wake up. I really didn't have a choice though since there was some big machinery outside making a racket. I made 64 0z. of fresh squeezed tangelo juice and went outside to make some phone calls. My last call was to my sister. I felt somewhat frustrated after the call. I guess there is a part of me that wants my sister to "get me" and realistically that is never going to happen.
I came back in and got on the computer. I was still feeling frustrated and empty. I just wanted to zone out on the computer and not think. A part of me was thinking...but you're in Hawaii and it is a beautiful day out...and you want to stay inside and zone out? The other part of me ignored that voice of reason and continued to zone. Savana kept coming up to talk to me and messing up my zoning out. I felt angry and asked her in not so nice of a way to "please, just leave me alone for 5 minutes...I need some alone time". She went away and I stayed on the computer for another hour or so.
Finally I decided to go ahead with my plans of walking to the Kilauea lighthouse. I told Savana to get ready and we headed off. I was told it was only about a mile walk and I was glad to be outside getting fresh air and exercise. I brought along my ipod and turned up the music to continue my zone mode. Savana immediately started complaining that it was hot and wanted to know why we had to walk. I became angry with her again and told her that I didn't want to hear any complaining about exercise. She started pouting behind me and I just turned up my music louder and kept walking.
We got to a parking area and lookout before the lighthouse and there was a sign saying that no pedestrians could enter..only cars. Ok...interesting. Savana went off to sit in the shade and I stood looking out at the ocean for a while, thinking about what we should do. I got out the camera and called Savana over to take a picture of her with the view. There was another couple next to me and they asked if I wanted them to take a picture of both of us together. I told them that would be great and did the same for them. Then I asked if they were going into the park with the lighthouse. They said they were and I asked if we could ride in with them since we came on foot. They were happy to help and we rode in with them.
At the entrance to the park at the pay booth Savana was given a chart to fill out about the birds and plants she will see along the path. We had a good time filling out the chart on the walk to the lighthouse. We also saw some sea turtles swimming and had fun looking through the binoculars and different things. We when we got to the lighthouse I spent quite a while looking out at the ocean and felt much more peaceful. Back in the parking lot there was an older couple walking to their car. I asked if we could ride out with them. The man thought about it a minute and asked if I was going to hit him over the head or anything. A little stunned I assured him we just needed a ride out to the lookout area since no pedestrians were allowed to walk the narrow road. He said that should be fine. So we got in and started talking. Him and his wife are from northern Minnesota and are visiting for 17 days. When we got to the lookout area they asked if we wanted to ride all the way into Kilauea. I was thinking the walk back would be good, but Savana said "oh yes please!" So they took us the rest of the way into town.
When we got to Janie's house she was getting ready to leave to pick up Darrel at the farm. I felt like I needed to keep myself busy and not go back into my zone, so Savana and I went along. On the drive I mentioned to Janie my phone call to my sister and shared with her some of my family history and she did the same back. I also feasted on a bunch of rambutan's. I felt slightly light headed from the rambutan's and realized that I hadn't eaten very many greens yesterday. When we got to the farm I grabbed a bunch of katook (a very yummy green leaf) and munched on a whole lot of it. I immediately felt better and more grounded.
While at the farm we picked up Darrel, did an errand, stopped at the hardware store and drove back. The drive back was fun...the music was going...Savana and I were car dancing together in the back seat to Lady Gaga.
Back at the house Janie and I were in the kitchen making dinner together. I told her I was feeling so angry today and I didn't know why. Very wisely she mentioned maybe it had to do with my phone call to my sister. The light bulb when on in my head...oh yeah..that's it. I made up my dinner of shredded carrots, zucchini, jicama covered in tomato sauce made with freshly dehydrated tomato's, tomato's, fresh squeezed tangelo and lemon juice and green onion stems. I sat down to eat my meal and the first bite was so unsatisfying. I didn't want that...I wanted something more...something heavy....something to make me numb...maybe I could make some steamed brown rice...that wouldn't be too harmful on my system. This food was too light and I was sick of it. I knew what was happening. It happens every time I eat all fruits and veggies and especially happens when I start having to deal with my emotions. I quickly reminded myself of what I was feeling and started eating my very unsatisfying meal. I took a few bites and then wondered where Janie was. I knew she had just made her meal of shredded carrots, parsley and lemon juice and I thought we could eat together. I found her in her room happily munching away. I sat down with her and told her mine didn't taste good. She tasted it and said it tasted good to her. I started eating it again and with each bite it seemed to be tasting better and better. Janie and I talked as we both ate our meals, before I knew it I had finished it all and felt very full and very satisfied.
After dinner I came into my room and skyped my friend Doug. We had a really good talk. I shared with him how I was feeling and the emptiness inside of me. It was a great talk. He suggested I figure out what I am wanting from my sister that I am not giving myself...or something like that...I can't remember exactly, strange how I happened to forget what he said, the key to getting to the bottom of my anger today. I guess I will have to ask him again.
So to summarize the day. I am so grateful for having such wonderful friends. I love being surrounded by people that encourage me and are full of wisdom. It was a tough day for me, but I made it through. I resisted the temptation to suppress my emotions with food and stayed strong. I am staying on this path of loving my body and giving it only the best food. I am not going to quit...so bring those emotions on! I'm ready.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Last week in Kauai
I leave Kauai one week from today. That will be a total of 30 days in paradise.
I decided to blog my last week here in a similar way I have blogged before. I want to briefly cover my experiences each day. Write down what I have eaten and how I feel at the end of the day.
Today Savana wanted a day to relax. She had a hard evening yesterday suffering from swimmers ear.
I woke up at around 8a.m. I felt really good. This was my 5th day of eating all raw fruits and vegetables again. It was a beautiful morning. I could see blues skies out my window and as always here on Kauai the birds were singing. The day started out with high 60's, low 70's. I spent some time on the computer, did 2 push ups and went outside to make some phone calls. I sat in the beautiful warm sun for about an hour and a half making phone calls. The sun felt so wonderful, making me warm all over.
I came back inside and made 64 oz. of fresh squeezed tangelo juice. That is what I have been having for breakfast every morning. I drank 48 oz. of it and felt like taking a nap. I took about an hour nap, woke up and drank the rest of my tangelo juice. I also ate a couple of tomatoes and a large papaya.
It was time to go to the market. So I headed off with Janie and Savana. At the market I bought 76 tangelo's, a bag of longan's, green onions, bok choy, 2 bunches of carrots and a bunch of apple banana's. About $40 worth of food for the week. Plus I had to pay $20 for some rambutan that Janie had picked up for me earlier in the week. There wasn't enough tomatoes for me to get any but I still have half a flat left over from last week. I munched on a couple of green onions and bok choy as I was walking around.
After market we went to the farm and I harvested a bunch of papaya's. I was all set for food for the week, except I still needed some zucchini. We stopped at Hoku market on the way home to get some zucchini but they didn't have any.
When we got back to Kilauea I walked over to the Healthy Hut and they had a lot of organic zucchini. I bought 6 for $5. So I figure my total cost of groceries for me for the week is around $65, which is lower than usual since I will be eating some left over food from last week. Savana will not eat any of the fruits or vegetables I bought so this is just my cost only.
After I left the healthy hut I went and said hi to Daphne the cockatoo on the way back to Janie's.
At home I made 2 liters of papaya/banana smoothie. That was very yummy and satisfying. I drank up while talking to a friend on skype.
Then Janie taught Savana and I how to do some things with the aerial fabrics. It took a few tries but I was able to climb up them all the way to the ceiling which was fun. I also did push ups again and was able to do 3. Woo hoo! I did 10 crunches and tried a few times to do pull ups using the fabric. I'm not able to do one yet, but that won't last long :)
It was a fun mellow, relaxing, warm beautiful day. I feel very happy and peaceful tonight and my mind is very clear.
My weight when I left for Hawaii was 160lbs. This morning I weighed in at 156.
I decided to blog my last week here in a similar way I have blogged before. I want to briefly cover my experiences each day. Write down what I have eaten and how I feel at the end of the day.
Today Savana wanted a day to relax. She had a hard evening yesterday suffering from swimmers ear.
I woke up at around 8a.m. I felt really good. This was my 5th day of eating all raw fruits and vegetables again. It was a beautiful morning. I could see blues skies out my window and as always here on Kauai the birds were singing. The day started out with high 60's, low 70's. I spent some time on the computer, did 2 push ups and went outside to make some phone calls. I sat in the beautiful warm sun for about an hour and a half making phone calls. The sun felt so wonderful, making me warm all over.
I came back inside and made 64 oz. of fresh squeezed tangelo juice. That is what I have been having for breakfast every morning. I drank 48 oz. of it and felt like taking a nap. I took about an hour nap, woke up and drank the rest of my tangelo juice. I also ate a couple of tomatoes and a large papaya.
It was time to go to the market. So I headed off with Janie and Savana. At the market I bought 76 tangelo's, a bag of longan's, green onions, bok choy, 2 bunches of carrots and a bunch of apple banana's. About $40 worth of food for the week. Plus I had to pay $20 for some rambutan that Janie had picked up for me earlier in the week. There wasn't enough tomatoes for me to get any but I still have half a flat left over from last week. I munched on a couple of green onions and bok choy as I was walking around.
After market we went to the farm and I harvested a bunch of papaya's. I was all set for food for the week, except I still needed some zucchini. We stopped at Hoku market on the way home to get some zucchini but they didn't have any.
When we got back to Kilauea I walked over to the Healthy Hut and they had a lot of organic zucchini. I bought 6 for $5. So I figure my total cost of groceries for me for the week is around $65, which is lower than usual since I will be eating some left over food from last week. Savana will not eat any of the fruits or vegetables I bought so this is just my cost only.
After I left the healthy hut I went and said hi to Daphne the cockatoo on the way back to Janie's.
At home I made 2 liters of papaya/banana smoothie. That was very yummy and satisfying. I drank up while talking to a friend on skype.
Then Janie taught Savana and I how to do some things with the aerial fabrics. It took a few tries but I was able to climb up them all the way to the ceiling which was fun. I also did push ups again and was able to do 3. Woo hoo! I did 10 crunches and tried a few times to do pull ups using the fabric. I'm not able to do one yet, but that won't last long :)
It was a fun mellow, relaxing, warm beautiful day. I feel very happy and peaceful tonight and my mind is very clear.
My weight when I left for Hawaii was 160lbs. This morning I weighed in at 156.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Conversation with myself
So I am reading this book "A Course in Weight Loss" by Marianne Williamson. There is an exercise in there I wanted to blog about.
Dear Unhealthy Pig,
I am sick of you. I've had it with you telling me that one bite is ok, or that a little won't hurt. Those times of making cheesy potatoes, french fries or chips seem appetizing are destroying me. Believe it or not...me is also you. Why would you want to destroy yourself? What the hell is wrong with you? You see all these people and have all these friends that are thriving eating fruit and veggies and then you see all these people and have all these friends suffering from obesity and sickness eating cooked SAD food. How many SAD eaters did you talk to in the past few weeks that were suffering from sinus infections, colds, flues, achy bodies, bowel issues, etc.? Is that what you want out of life? What is so hard about eating as many fruits and veggies as you want and thriving? Why is that an issue? Is having perfect health not what you want?
Day after day I give into you and your whining. Just shut up for once in your life and think about things. You have the knowledge of what is really good and bad for you. You know the RDA is a joke. You have read book after book and heard testimony after testimony. You saw the results of long term fruit eaters at health and fitness week. Not only were those people healthy physically, they were healthy spiritually and emotionally. That is what I want and you seem to want to sabotage it daily. I don't understand why do not want this as well? What the fuck is your problem?? I wish you were out of my life forever!
Vibrant me.
Dear Vibrant me,
I don't know why you have to be so hard on me. I am doing the best I can. I am trying to keep you safe in the only way I know how. Life is scary and I don't always know what I am doing. I want to be healthy and vibrant, but that is new territory for me. I don't understand how to be that way or how it works. I only know how to be sick. I have been sick most of my life, it is very familiar to me. How can you expect me to jump out there and start a who new life, a whole new way of being and thinking? It's not an easy thing to do and you are so pushy and mean. I need to be treated with love and understanding. I am trying the best I can. I want for us to succeed. I really do, but it's hard letting go. If I let go what will I hang on to? I might just fall and both of us will be lost forever. Who will I become? I'm scared.
Unhealthy Pig
Dear Unhealthy Pig,
I am sick of you. I've had it with you telling me that one bite is ok, or that a little won't hurt. Those times of making cheesy potatoes, french fries or chips seem appetizing are destroying me. Believe it or not...me is also you. Why would you want to destroy yourself? What the hell is wrong with you? You see all these people and have all these friends that are thriving eating fruit and veggies and then you see all these people and have all these friends suffering from obesity and sickness eating cooked SAD food. How many SAD eaters did you talk to in the past few weeks that were suffering from sinus infections, colds, flues, achy bodies, bowel issues, etc.? Is that what you want out of life? What is so hard about eating as many fruits and veggies as you want and thriving? Why is that an issue? Is having perfect health not what you want?
Day after day I give into you and your whining. Just shut up for once in your life and think about things. You have the knowledge of what is really good and bad for you. You know the RDA is a joke. You have read book after book and heard testimony after testimony. You saw the results of long term fruit eaters at health and fitness week. Not only were those people healthy physically, they were healthy spiritually and emotionally. That is what I want and you seem to want to sabotage it daily. I don't understand why do not want this as well? What the fuck is your problem?? I wish you were out of my life forever!
Vibrant me.
Dear Vibrant me,
I don't know why you have to be so hard on me. I am doing the best I can. I am trying to keep you safe in the only way I know how. Life is scary and I don't always know what I am doing. I want to be healthy and vibrant, but that is new territory for me. I don't understand how to be that way or how it works. I only know how to be sick. I have been sick most of my life, it is very familiar to me. How can you expect me to jump out there and start a who new life, a whole new way of being and thinking? It's not an easy thing to do and you are so pushy and mean. I need to be treated with love and understanding. I am trying the best I can. I want for us to succeed. I really do, but it's hard letting go. If I let go what will I hang on to? I might just fall and both of us will be lost forever. Who will I become? I'm scared.
Unhealthy Pig
Monday, September 20, 2010
Health and Fitness Week 2010
I was fading fast going into health and fitness week. I had been eating horribly, gained some weight and was feeling sorry for myself since not one person in my family wanted to see me succeed. I was tired of having no support and the food I was eating was pulling me into a depression.
The first day at health and fitness week I started menstrating and it was very heavy and painful from eating so many fats the week before. (When I don't eat fats I hardly even notice it, it is so light and uneventful). So I was bloated and miserable, surrounded by these fit amazingly healthy vibrant people, that seemed to really like and accept me from the first moment they saw me. I truly felt out of place. I was angry at myself for allowing myself to fall so far down that I couldn't enjoy the week that I had been so much looking forward to.
That first evening I spent in tears, just sobbing and sobbing....releasing all my frustration, anger and deep deep sadness.
After that night my inner spirit recovered quickly. I embraced all the wonderful energy everyone there was so willing to give and gave back all I could in full force.
I felt so loved and supported the entire time.
Meal times were so much fun. Everyone just feasting on incredible amounts of beautiful organic fruits and veggies. Sharing meals like that just doesn't happen in my day to day life. The best part is that after the meals were over everyone still felt great, there was no one grabbing their stomach moaning about not feeling good.
I loved the fitness group I was in. It was the beginner group and it was plenty for me. I found out quickly that any other exercise besides bike riding is a challenge for me. I literally have no other muscle endurance or strength in any other areas. It is going to be fun getting my body fit in different ways. Jumping rope is the first weakest link I want to tackle and have it down by next year. It was my least favorite exercise during the week :) I also want to look into joining a team sport such as softball or soccer.
My favorite part was the people. The amount of physical hugs and being touched while walking past someone was so wonderful. It just filled my heart to complete fullness.
Doug was fantastic! Even more incredible that I expected him to be. I am so grateful for him. Without his book I believe I would not be alive today, and even if I was alive I would not be thriving like I am now.
I am proud of myself for making this a reality.
The first day at health and fitness week I started menstrating and it was very heavy and painful from eating so many fats the week before. (When I don't eat fats I hardly even notice it, it is so light and uneventful). So I was bloated and miserable, surrounded by these fit amazingly healthy vibrant people, that seemed to really like and accept me from the first moment they saw me. I truly felt out of place. I was angry at myself for allowing myself to fall so far down that I couldn't enjoy the week that I had been so much looking forward to.
That first evening I spent in tears, just sobbing and sobbing....releasing all my frustration, anger and deep deep sadness.
After that night my inner spirit recovered quickly. I embraced all the wonderful energy everyone there was so willing to give and gave back all I could in full force.
I felt so loved and supported the entire time.
Meal times were so much fun. Everyone just feasting on incredible amounts of beautiful organic fruits and veggies. Sharing meals like that just doesn't happen in my day to day life. The best part is that after the meals were over everyone still felt great, there was no one grabbing their stomach moaning about not feeling good.
I loved the fitness group I was in. It was the beginner group and it was plenty for me. I found out quickly that any other exercise besides bike riding is a challenge for me. I literally have no other muscle endurance or strength in any other areas. It is going to be fun getting my body fit in different ways. Jumping rope is the first weakest link I want to tackle and have it down by next year. It was my least favorite exercise during the week :) I also want to look into joining a team sport such as softball or soccer.
My favorite part was the people. The amount of physical hugs and being touched while walking past someone was so wonderful. It just filled my heart to complete fullness.
Doug was fantastic! Even more incredible that I expected him to be. I am so grateful for him. Without his book I believe I would not be alive today, and even if I was alive I would not be thriving like I am now.
I am proud of myself for making this a reality.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
30 days of introductions
Yesterday I decided I would take a suggestion from Andrew's web site and do a 30 day goal. I've done this before with my 30 day blog. I decided this time I wanted to do something fun, so I decided every day for 30 days to introduce myself to someone I don't know.
Sooo...yesterday I was hanging out at the fruit stand feasting on a watermelon and harassing my favorite fruit stand guy. We both agreed that I need a shirt that says "fruit stand groupie", since I hang out there so much. An older lady was shopping that I have seen at the fruit stand many times. She always buys a lot of fruit and veggies out of the bargain bin, which is were the over ripe (or as I say "perfectly ripe") fruit goes and sells for practically nothing. I went up to her and introduced myself. Her name is Irit and she is from another country (but I didn't ask about that since our conversation went a different way). She was happy as ever to talk to me and told me how great that bargain bin is because she loves to cook homemade food and give it to people she knows that are in need. We had a great conversation and I am looking forward to the next time I run into her at the fruit stand.
Today I forgot to introduce myself to someone new. I realized when I was biking home that I had forgotten and it was past 7 p.m.. I was on my longboard (which I have been riding for the last 4 days and loving every minute of it...I am now working on leading with my non-dominant foot). I wasn't sure what to do because once I got home I wanted to stay home for the evening. I looked around to see if anyone was walking on the street that I could approach but there was no one. Then I saw the peach tree one block away from my house that I have been eyeballing for a few weeks. The peaches have about another week before they are ready and they look delicious. I decided to go visit the owners of the tree and introduce myself to them and offer to buy some of their peaches when fully ripe if they were willing.
An older lady answered the door and I told her my name, that I lived on the next street over and asked about the peach tree. She was very happy that I had stopped by, said her name was Nadine. Nadine had been worried about having too many peaches and did not know of anyone to give them to. She said she uses some for canning but had way too many this year. She asked for my number and said she would give me a call as soon as they were ready. Woo hoo...free delicious local peaches coming my way.
I think this 30 day adventure is going to turn out to be a wonderful experience :)
Sooo...yesterday I was hanging out at the fruit stand feasting on a watermelon and harassing my favorite fruit stand guy. We both agreed that I need a shirt that says "fruit stand groupie", since I hang out there so much. An older lady was shopping that I have seen at the fruit stand many times. She always buys a lot of fruit and veggies out of the bargain bin, which is were the over ripe (or as I say "perfectly ripe") fruit goes and sells for practically nothing. I went up to her and introduced myself. Her name is Irit and she is from another country (but I didn't ask about that since our conversation went a different way). She was happy as ever to talk to me and told me how great that bargain bin is because she loves to cook homemade food and give it to people she knows that are in need. We had a great conversation and I am looking forward to the next time I run into her at the fruit stand.
Today I forgot to introduce myself to someone new. I realized when I was biking home that I had forgotten and it was past 7 p.m.. I was on my longboard (which I have been riding for the last 4 days and loving every minute of it...I am now working on leading with my non-dominant foot). I wasn't sure what to do because once I got home I wanted to stay home for the evening. I looked around to see if anyone was walking on the street that I could approach but there was no one. Then I saw the peach tree one block away from my house that I have been eyeballing for a few weeks. The peaches have about another week before they are ready and they look delicious. I decided to go visit the owners of the tree and introduce myself to them and offer to buy some of their peaches when fully ripe if they were willing.
An older lady answered the door and I told her my name, that I lived on the next street over and asked about the peach tree. She was very happy that I had stopped by, said her name was Nadine. Nadine had been worried about having too many peaches and did not know of anyone to give them to. She said she uses some for canning but had way too many this year. She asked for my number and said she would give me a call as soon as they were ready. Woo hoo...free delicious local peaches coming my way.
I think this 30 day adventure is going to turn out to be a wonderful experience :)
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